Second Round of Tests

Well, yesterday was a long and anxious day.  I believe I have gotten to the point where I am kind of zen about the whole overarching thing of having Chiari and possibly needing surgery.  I'm trying to accept that it's all going to work out for the best. But having to go into an MRI machine sent my poor little anxiety-ridden body into panic mode.

So, I spent the day alternating between stressing about it and being in denial and ignoring it.  Finally the time came for me to leave work and go have the tests done.  I took the Valium the doctor had prescribed and got into the car with Daffodil.  (Not safe to drive on that stuff, you know.)  Valium gets into my system pretty quickly so by the time we were at the hospital, I was a little out of it.  It's odd being aware of your surroundings and just not caring.

Once I was back in the MRI room, I had lost the ability to care that I was half dressed in a hospital gown.  Lost the ability to care that some strange man (the radiologist) was having to move the hospital gown and set up the heart monitor on my chest.  (In this case, I'm sure it has to do with his kindness and professionalism.)  Yes, I had to have a heart monitor because there was a possibility that I could stop breathing from lying on my back for so long.  Also the heart monitor was to be part of the CSF flow study.

Into the tube I went with headphones blasting classical music in my ears.  But the music was still not enough to cover the intense noise of the MRI machine or the vibrations.  I lost track of time, and tried to think of anything, everything.  I'm pretty sure I felt my MaMa close by while I was in there, especially near the end of the hour and a half when the Valium was starting to wear off, and my heart started to race.  I know my heart was racing and beating irregularly because the machine at that point had picked up my heart rate and was vibrating it loudly in my ears.  Is it weird to say that I believe I felt my kind radiologist praying for me too?  In fact, while I was in there, I felt many prayers from my friends and family.  And I was grateful.

When I walked back out to wait for the CDs of my scans, Daffodil was there, making me laugh, and letting me talk openly about everything.  And I was grateful again.  When I got home, I had the long distance support of Jay Jay and Giggly.  And I was grateful again.

So, I haven't met with the doctor yet to discuss the scans.  I've looked at the new ones in comparison to the ones 3 years ago, and I can see some change.  Thankfully there is no syrinx (pocket of fluid) in my spine.  That is a huge relief.

But just to give you an idea of what we're dealing with, I thought I'd show you some pictures.  Remember those old commercials: "This is your brain, this is your brain on drugs"?

Well...

This is a normal brain (not mine):

And this is my Chiari brain falling out of my head:

 

 

A little anatomy lesson...the dark gray piece from the center of the brain is the brain stem.  The wormy looking piece to the right of that is the cerebellum.  And then there's the vertebrae to the left.  The most concerning part to me is the top vertebrae which is turned and obviously poking into the brain stem, and the fact that the brain stem itself is more elongated and farther down than it was 3 years ago.

So, there you go.  I have no more answers than I did a few days ago, but now I have pictures.  I'm not frightened today.  Somehow I know that the Lord's got this.  He has held my little brain in his gentle hands for my whole life, and I know He will continue to do so.  No worries.