"It's a miracle you're walking around!"

I'll never forget the neurosurgeon saying those words to me when he looked at my MRI.  But as my exam continued, and as I was reminded of today, it was more than just a figure of speech.  He told me that my legs were really weak, my left one more so than the right.  But apparently as a child, I learned to compensate, so it was never really noticed, except that I was a bit clumsy and didn't really like to run. 

Well, I've been feeling my Chiari symptoms more so than usual lately.  As I was talking about in my last post, my shoulders and neck bother me a great deal.  But also, every now and then, my lower back will spasm and it's hard for me to move at all.  Today, my co-worker saw the problems I was having walking because of my lower back, and I've told her a little about my condition.  She's studying to be an athletic trainer at the college where we work.  So, she took me over to the gym to do a couple of minor exercises which would help release the muscle spasm.  As she was working on me, she commented on the weakness in my legs.  She asked me to push against her hands and actually thought I wasn't pushing at all.  I kept thinking about it through the evening.

At sunset, I went for my normal evening walk, and I noticed the change in my gait.  It felt as if I were only using my hip and butt muscles and just throwing my legs out in front of me, not really using the leg muscles at all.  Of course, my mind always races forward to the worst possible outcome.  I found myself thinking of having to use a walker or even being in a wheelchair, and I got really scared.

It's interesting, the sequence of events.  My therapist told me once that we sometimes receive deep spiritual insights before we go through a trial.  In the past couple of weeks, I've felt the deep spiritual insights being heaped upon me.  Especially, this weekend was extremely beautiful, and full of spiritual lessons.  Then today I was faced with my fears about my condition again.  Yesterday I was learning about grace.  The grace of God renews itself every day, every hour, every minute.  It never runs out.  So, tonight I may be afraid, but His grace will be there to sustain me tomorrow as sure as the sun will rise.